


Hold Me In Your Arms

by SupernaturalIdjit16



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Crying, Denial, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt Carlos Reyes, Hurt TK Strand, Hurt with very little comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentioned 126 (9-1-1 Lone Star), Mentioned Michelle Blake (9-1-1 Lone Star), Mentioned Owen Strand (9-1-1 Lone Star), Nightmares, Sad, Sad Ending, Shooting, carlos needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:55:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalIdjit16/pseuds/SupernaturalIdjit16
Summary: Carlos has a bad nightmare.Carlos jerks awake with his heart hammering in his chest and a scream escaping his raw throat. He clings to the blankets as he struggles to catch his breath. Gulping air like a fish out of water as his trembling hands grasp the sheets like a lifeline. It was just a dream; it was just a dream.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	1. Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of sleeping and was heavily in my own feels, and just feeling sad so I wrote this to try to channel out or I guess rid myself of my angst. I don’t really know, but I guess this is what happens when you write stories at 2 in the morning. Anyway, this is my first story for not only the Lone Star fandom but also for Tarlos. I’m weirdly nervous about posting this. I promise next time I will write something more upbeat. But for now, just blame isolation and late-night emotions. **Trigger Warning** for this story because it is dark, deals with gun violence, blood, death. Please read the tags before actually reading the story. This story is completed, nothing will be added to it or altered. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but I split it up and posted it as 4 chapters because I felt as though it paced the story better. Again make sure to read the tags and warnings and I promise my next Tarlos fic will be much happier.

Carlos jerks awake with his heart hammering in his chest and a scream escaping his raw throat. He clings to the blankets as he struggles to catch his breath. Gulping air like a fish out of water as his trembling hands grasp the sheets like a lifeline. It was just a dream; it was just a dream. He repeats this mantra to try and ease his mind. Yet he struggles to get rid of the daunting images the nightmares created. With each ragged breath, it seems as though they cling to him. Sticking to him like the sweat-soaked shirt pressed against his skin. He rips the blankets away, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his shirt as he pulls it over his head wanting to get rid of the heat the terror seeped into his bones.

Panic spiked in his chest as he strived to take in enough air to stop the room from spinning, but each breath was too thin. The images played back in his head taunting him, making him feel sick. He could still feel him in his arms. Feel as the cold touch of death made TK tremble in his grasp, he could see the blood that stained his lover’s teeth as the coughs wracked his poor body. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to feel whole again. It had felt so real.

“Los? Can you hear me? You gotta breathe, baby.” TK’s soft voice filled the air and it was enough to allow him to breathe easier. TK didn’t touch him and as much as Carlos wanted him to, he understood that TK probably didn’t want to risk spooking him. Just him being here and talking was enough comfort. With each word he said it eased the weight off his chest.

It took a moment, but eventually, his breathing had slowed.

“Sorry for waking you up, Tiger.” Carlos said, giving him a small smile to hopefully prevent him from worrying. His hands still shook slightly, but the fear was no longer gripping his heart like a vice. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Hell, I had my fair share of nightmares that woke you up.” TK said from where he sat at the edge of their bed. “You’d hold me in your arms and talk me through it. No matter how many times it happened, you never got annoyed.”

“I’ll always be there to hold you, cariño. You know that.”

“I know” TK smiled sadly and Carlos hoped it wasn't because of something he had said. 

He truly didn’t know why he was sad or even why he was so far away, maybe seeing him have a nightmare freaked TK out more than he thought. 

“I mean it, Ty. I’d hold you every second of every day if I could. Come here, I’ll show you.” he said, opening his arms for TK to come lay with him. He wanted nothing more to press his boyfriend against his chest and just hold him. 

“I wish I could.” TK replied, but didn’t move from where he was sitting by the foot of the bed.

“What? Stop joking around and come here.” He said with a furrow of his brow. 

“What did you dream about?” TK asked, sounding sad, even more sad than he did seconds before. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“Carlos. Tell me.”

“It was just a nightmare. I-I don’t even remember…”

“Yes you do.” 

He kept pushing. Why did he keep pushing? 

“Tyler stop.” 

“You have to remember.” Tk urged

“P-please stop.” He practically begged, his heart pounding as he went to get out of the bed. Only to stop when TK was suddenly right in front of him. He looked into his boyfriend’s eyes and was instantly brought back to his nightmare.


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos remembers his nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter.  
> This is the chapter with the most heavy-duty content. Warning for blood, guns, shooting, death.

It was so rare for either of them to have off at the same time so they had wanted it to be a special and relaxing night. So they planned a movie night. They just needed to pick up a few things before going back home to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. They walked into the small convenience store just as the sun was beginning to go down. The orange glow of the fading sun tinted everything in a warm light. It was a beautiful view, but Carlos could only focus on TK. He watched as his boyfriend walked into the store looking around the aisles like a kid in a toy shop. 

“What’s got you all excited?” He asked with a chuckle as TK already had his arms full of bags of chips and candy. 

“I’m going to eat so much junk food that it’s going to make me sick.” 

“I’m pretty sure your dad will kill both me and you for eating that crap.” Carlos chuckled as TK only continued to add more junk to the growing pile in his arms. 

“It’s worth it. Dad’s been this crazy health nut all week at the station. Making the whole team eat nothing but nutritional food. It’s been awful. I swear I thought Judd was going to start a riot.” 

Carlos bit his lip to stop from laughing, but he couldn’t help the smile from filling his face. “You are so dramatic” he teased, chuckling now when TK threw him an ‘Am not!’ Sort of look.

“Los I’ve had enough power smoothies and healthy food for an entire lifetime. I want to consume something that’s salty, sour, or sweet. Something not green or that comes anywhere close to resembling a vegetable.”

“Give me the food.” He said as he stuck out his hand for TK to pass him all the snacks. When he started to pout Carlos fondly rolled his eyes. “Relax Tiger, I’m just gonna hold it while you go grab us some slushies.” 

The beautiful smile TK gave him in return was definitely worth the earful they’d hear from his dad later.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

“You did. But it’s always nice to hear again.” Carlos said with a smirk. 

TK walked up to him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. One that made Carlos feel things he certainly shouldn’t be feeling in the middle of a convenience store. Before Carlos could completely lose himself in the kiss TK was pulling away whispering an “I love you.” 

“I love you more, cariño.” 

“Not possible,” TK said looking at him with so much love in his eyes that it made Carlos blush and his heart flutter in his chest. He remembered when TK used to put up this guard around himself, to protect himself and his feelings. Tk had been hurt so many times, but he was breaking down those walls. Now he let it all show with such honesty and affection. TK’s the type of person who feels with his whole heart. Carlos felt honored to be on the receiving end of that love. So honored that he was getting teary-eyed in a 7-11. 

“Go grab us the slushies, I’ll grab some more candy. I want to show you just how much I love you when we get home.” Carlos said with a wink. He watched as TK’s face turned a brilliant shade of pink, chuckling as his boyfriend practically ran off towards the slushie machine.

To kill time Carlos wandered towards the back of the store, grabbing any snack foods that he thought TK would enjoy. 

That’s when he heard shouting. He quickly rushed towards the front of the store, his eyes widened when he saw TK with his hands up being yelled at by some guy in a black hoodie and baggy jeans. 

“Give me your money!” The guy shouted.

His skin was pale, dark circles stood out from beneath his eyes, and sweat beaded on his brow. Carlos only had one thought. Withdrawal. It seemed like TK and him were on the same page, watching as Tk had his hands up trying to defuse the situation.

“You don’t want to do this. I know how you’re feeling. I’ve been there before.” TK said calmly, trying to talk the man down.

“Shut up! You don’t know shit.” the man yelled, his hands shaking at his sides. 

“I do. I’ve been in your shoes, felt the overwhelming need for a hit that everything around you becomes blurry and cold. The need for something to take the edge off is so strong that you become desperate. So desperate that you would do anything to get what you need. But you have to believe me, the only thing you are going to feel after this is regret and shame.” 

“I said Shut up!” The man shouted again as he pulled a gun out of his pocket, pointing it right at TK. The teen girl working behind the register screamed. The man turned on her, pointing the gun in her direction and Carlos saw as she shook, her hands instantly flying over her mouth as tears poured down her cheeks. 

“Sir put the gun down. Nobody has to get hurt.” Carlos spoke up. He may not be on duty, but he still wanted to try and get a handle on the situation. 

The man refused to acknowledge him instead, keeping his eyes on the cashier. TK and him exchanged a quick look. Carlos watched as he titled his head towards the young girl, gesturing to him to go to her. He wanted to protest, if anyone should be trying to talk down the man with a gun it should be him, but TK gave him a hard look. One that screamed ‘just go and don’t question it’. Carlos assumed it was because TK felt like he related to the man. That if there was anyone who could truly understand what he was going through or where his mind was, it would be him. Still, Carlos wasn’t happy about it. But he listened to his boyfriend. 

“We can get you help.” Tk spoke suddenly to get the man’s attention away from the girl. 

The man instantly turned towards TK and Carlos was quick to rush over to the girl. “It’s okay. You are going to be okay.” He whispered softly, his gaze shifting over to TK for just a second to make sure he still had a handle on the situation before he was turning his attention back to the girl. She couldn’t have been older than sixteen. She was terrified, her fearful eyes still on the man. So he looked down at her nametag before trying to meet her eyes. “Aliyah, right?” he asked, trying to get her to focus on him. Once she nodded her head he continued. “I'm Carlos, I’m a cop and my boyfriend over there is a firefighter. We are gonna make sure nothing happens to you. I promise.” 

“I-I pressed the alarm u-under the counter. It contacts the police...I-I didn’t know w-what else to do.” She cried. 

“Hey, it's okay. You did great. What you did is perfect.” he said with a reassuring smile. Carlos glanced back over at the man. He couldn’t hear what TK was saying but the man’s hands shook, gun trembling within his grip. 

He thought they had everything under control, but it all changed in a second. The sudden sound of police sirens in the distance was enough to startle the man with the gun and before Carlos could even process what was happening a loud bang filled the small convenience store. The girl screamed and the guy dropped the gun. It clattered on the floor as he repeated over and over that “he didn't mean to. He didn’t mean to pull the trigger.” But Carlos could barely hear any of it as the pounding of his own heart filled his ears. His eyes landing on TK and the growing patch of red on his chest. 

“TK!” he shouted. Running over and catching him just as he started to fall to the floor. He lowered him to the ground and gently held him in his arms. Held him tightly to his chest as the patch of red on his shirt grew larger and larger by the second. There was no way to stop the bleeding, but he had tried to anyway. Deep crimson coated his fingers as the tears blurred his vision. 

“Don’t. Don’t cry.” TK had choked out “I-I’ll be okay” he added trying to smile, but there was blood staining his teeth and his beautiful green eyes were glassy. He was the one hurting and yet at that moment, he tried comforting him.

“You’re right. You’re gonna be just fine. Michelle’s gonna get here, patch you up and then we will eat so much junk your dad will lecture us for years.” Carlos said with a watery chuckle. 

“W-we’ll ne-ver hear the e-end of it.” Tk replied with tears in his eyes.

“Nope. We will be eating salads for the rest of our lives.” Carlos choked out, not sure if he was trying to distract himself or Tk. He continued to apply pressure to the wound, but no matter how hard he tried the blood didn’t slow. He looked away from his red-coated hands on his TK’s chest, his gaze looking back up at his face. His face was pale, almost white and his eyes were starting to flutter closed. 

“No, no, no. Ty?” He gently patted his boyfriend's cheek, trying to rouse him. The blood from his hand rests on his clammy skin. The contrast of vibrant red against cold white makes his breath hitch. He patted his cheek again and Tk finally opened his eyes, his gaze unfocused and heavy-lidded. “You gotta stay with me, Ty. Please.” He begged. 

The sounds of sirens grew closer and It was like music to his ears. “You hear that, cariño? Helps here. you’re gonna be okay.” 

“L-Los.”

His gaze moved away from the ambulance and it’s flashing lights, his attention back on TK. His boyfriend’s expression sent a pit in his stomach. Acceptance. No, he wouldn’t accept it. Because TK was going to be just fine. He had to be. “No Tyler,” Carlos cried, tears rolling down his cheek. 

“ ‘ Love you-“ He had said with a shaky breath, red coating his lips when a harsh cough racked his body. “Always,” he said with his last breath. His eyes once full of life were lifeless and Carlos couldn’t take it.

“No! TK!” he cried as he shook the man’s shoulders. He just needed him to open his eyes, needed him to be okay. “Tyler Kennedy Don’t you dare leave me.” He begged voice breaking “Please don’t leave me.”

Everything after was a bit of a blur. He remembered holding him so tightly as the tears poured from his eyes not even noticing the paramedics run in. He remembered only leaving when Michelle physically pulled him away from TK’s body. Remembered watching as Nancy and Tim tried everything to bring him back, but it was too late. He remembered losing a piece of his heart that day. The grief like a noose around his neck, stealing his breath and sucking the life out of him with every second.

_But it was just a dream…he swore it was just a dream._


	3. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos finally remembers what TK wanted him to.

He gasped when he came back to reality. The sound of his own heart beating in his chest was deafening and with a fear that turned his stomach to ice, he slowly slid his hand to the other side of the bed. It was untouched, cold like the stone of a grave that cut loneliness into his very soul. No, it wasn’t a dream. It was real. Heartache rises sharp and unforgiving as he stumbles to his feet. 

His eyes flew open, choking on a sob when he saw T.K. still standing in front of him. His skin was pale, almost white as a sheet. His lips were tinted blue with specks of blood and his eyes that were once so full of life were dull. Carlos’s eyes traveled down to his body and he saw the crimson red that coated his chest, tainting the yellow hoodie he loved so much. Suddenly the lack of touches and the distance made sense. The way TK talked in the past tense when referring to comforting him during his bad dreams. How did he not see this before?

“You...died. T-That’s what you wanted me to remember?” Carlos asked, voice breaking and weak.

T.K. only nodded. 

The silence that filled the room left him feeling colder than he could ever imagine.

“Are you even real?” He found himself asking. He still felt like he was in some sort of twisted nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from. “or just...just some figment of my imagination I created to help myself cope.” He rambled as he paced the length of the bedroom. He was talking to himself, alone in his apartment rambling like a mad man. “I’m losing my mind, right? I’m crazy” he let out a watery chuckle now completely well aware he was breaking down.

“You’re not crazy.” TK finally spoke and it was enough to stop him from walking. 

He snapped his eyes over to him and laughed.“No? I’m talking to my dead boyfriend, in the middle of the night, in my empty apartment. I’m crazy.”

“No. You’re grieving.” 

“Pretty wise of you to say, Tiger. But sounds like denial to me.” Carlos muttered as he sat down on top of the bed, head in his hands. 

“And that’s just another stage of grieving.” 

Carlos looked over at him, tears falling harder with his teasing. He loved him so much, what was he gonna do now that he was gone?

“You’ve got to let me go, Los.” 

“No. I won’t.” He didn’t know how Tk was here right now, whether he was real or he was truly losing his mind. He didn’t care. At least he was here. 

“You need to move on Carlos. Be happy.”

“I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You are the strongest man I know if there is anyone who can it’s you.” 

“Well, I don’t want to!” He shouted. 

“You can’t keep doing this. It’s killing you!”

“I don’t care!” Carlos yelled back chest heaving as he stood up, stepping closer to the illusion of T.K. “How could you think for one second that I would want to live my life without you?!” He shouted, anger growing inside him because it wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

“Because that’s what you would want for me” 

He was right, deep down he knew it was true. But he didn’t know how to move on. Carlos wanted to close his eyes but he was scared that if he looked away for a second TK would disappear. “There is no me without you.” 

“Yes there is. Don’t push people away, let them help you. You’ve got Michelle. My dad, who already thinks of you as a son, and the 126. They are all your family. It hurts now and it probably will for a while, but you’ll be okay.” TK moved closer to him, out of the dark shadows of his bedroom. He stood by the window, the faint glow of the moonlight cascading him in a light that illuminated him. The blood was no longer on his clothes, his lips were a soft pink and his skin was no longer pale. He looked like he did before he died as he kneeled down in front of him. “I’ll always be with you.” 

“I love you, mi corazón.” Carlos choked out. 

“I love you more” He placed his hand gently on Carlos’s chest, right by his heart. 

Carlos gasped when he felt it, felt the warmth. He closed his eyes, embracing it and cherishing it for as long as he could. When he opened his eyes again, TK was gone.


	4. Not Soon, But Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TK was right. It does hurt right now, but someday he will be okay.

A new wave of tears hit him and he couldn’t take the sight of the empty bedroom any longer. He walked to the living room, his eyes landing on Buttercup who laid on the floor with one of TK sweatshirts. He fell to the ground beside the dog. His knees cracking against the hardwood as he pulled at his hair. He squeezed his eyes closed, it was all too much. 

He felt a weight in his lap and it took him a disorienting minute to realize that it was Buttercup. The dog nudging his snout between his hand, to stop him from pulling at his hair like he knew he was hurting himself. Opening his eyes to look down at the dog sprawled against his legs, his heart ached from the sight. Buttercup had brought over the sweatshirt, burying his head into the soft cotton before whining. 

Carlos's lip quivered, and he hid his face in the soft fur by Buttercup's neck as more tears fell. “I know Buddy, I miss him too.” He cried. “But it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” He might not be okay now or even in a year, but they would be. One day they’d see each other again, But for now, grief was the price he paid for love and they shared a love so great, that he’d have TK in his heart always. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and sticking to the end. Again I am sorry and my future Tarlos stories will not be anywhere near this level of sadness. I pinkie promise!


End file.
